Sleepy.....?

As misery loves company, I am happy to report that I share a common problem that an estimated 40 million other americans share and that is suffering from a chronic sleep disorder.

I have tried just about every trick in the book to get a good night's sleep: counting sheep, 99 bottles of beer, watching paint dry, reading, watching TV, going to bed at the same time every night and waking at the same time in the morning(well approximately, I do love to sleep in in the morning), warm milk, alcohol(happy to report this works for a little while until the alcohol wears off. Oh, well it tastes good going down!), wine and turkey-but who can eat turkey every day...and besides this only works on Thanksgiving and Seinfeld, etc., etc., etc.

This past Monday, I went to have a sleep study done. I felt that I was in the modern day equivalent of Dr. Frankenstein's lab(but with all the amenities of a Marriott). I was wired up to a monitoring system and had a bungee cord(aka heart monitor) strapped around my chest, with oxygen plugs going in my nose, and glued all over my head and face were contacts to monitor my sleep. The very nice technician got to monitor my sleep for 6 hours via the monitor and an in-room camera. Talk about feeling like Big Brother is watching...and I don't mean the reality series!

Now I will have to wait one to two weeks for the results...oh, great, now I'll something new to worry about and to keep me up.

"Take Sominex tonight and sleep, safe and restful...sleep, sleep, sleep!"

Now that our landfills are filling up....why not use the ocean?

As if we haven't had enough bad news about the environment...scientists have spotted a second plastic garbage patch in the Atlantic Ocean (a similar one was discovered swirling about in the Pacific Ocean between Hawaii and California, it's called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch). Both patches consist of swirling plastic pieces that are bound together by ocean currents. The plastic is in all different shapes and sizes and as we can all imagine, is harmful to both humans and non-humans alike.

As we commemorate Earth Day 2010, let's remember to recycle our plastics so we are not leaving behind a size 17 plastic footprint.

A Stress Analyst....my dream job!

Searching for a job can be stressful...it can be an occupation in and of itself. However, today I saw an advertisement for my perfect job, a Stress Analyst. Now why didn't I think of that sooner? Not only can I be stressed out, but I can share my stress with others, report on stress to management via graphs and charts, be the team stress mentor or SME, and get paid for it. And because I am so good at being stressed out, I can surely turn this contract position into a full-time position with benefits (maybe more stress and no vacations).

I wonder if I can telecommute so I can be stressed out in my jammies?

Drinking beer at work....what's up with that?

Here's one from the believe it or not column.....skal!!

Denmark's Carlsberg beer has gone to a "lunch-only" beer policy, which spurred a walk-out by workers and truck drivers today. What does the "lunch-only" beer policy mean, well the workers can no longer drink beer during work hours from the beer coolers placed at different work areas throughout the company. According to the new "stricter??" policy, workers will only be allowed to imbibe during lunchtime and they will still need to adhere to the responsible drinking rule...the workers cannot be soused, toasted, hammered, s-faced, plastered, or otherwise drukken at work. And the best part of this story is the truck drivers are exempt from the new rule because they don't have time to have lunch, so they get to brown-bag their beverages and take them on the road with them.

I'm juss jealush!

Sined,
Tipsy

Easter Memories.....

Easter memories....coloring the Easter eggs, searching for the hidden eggs, black patent leather Mary Janes, a new spring outfit in purple, blue, yellow, a big Easter basket with the fake colored hay, and filled with jelly beans, chocolate bunnies of all sizes (crunchy and non-crunchy), peeps, some cute little gifts such as silly putty, comic books, colorforms, and last but not least, dinner at grandma's house.